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Biblical Marriage [Parts 1 and 2 (God's Resons)] - Biblical Marriage
Page 2 of 2
The relationship between man and woman can be divided into several; but first we have to get our minds to thinking in wording of God rather than the Bible translators. In Hebrew the word for woman, wife, wives and sometimes concubine are the same (H802) and marriedH1166 (H1166 to be ones master) equals being her master as Sarah said in Gen 18:12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lordH113 being old also? (H113 = meaning to rule; sovereign, that is, controller (human or divine): - lord, master, owner. Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman H802, because she was taken out of Man. Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wifeH802: and they shall be one flesh. In other words, when we read the word “wife” we should substitute back to its actual meaning of “woman”; but in the context of having a husband compared to a woman that does not. Notice God’s commandment regarding coveting another man’s items in Exo 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
When Western world mentality Bible readers read the words married, marriage or wedding in the New Testament it conjures up in their minds imagery of the traditions society has set up of church, priest, ceremony etc. You may notice, never is a church or religious building or a religious authority as priests mentioned in those verses. Reference to a ceremony is about a feast as a banquet such as in John 2:3 where Yahshua turned water in to wine or Rev 19:9 marriage supper. What today is called the reception. A reception, normally comes before an event. We have an example of such a marriage and reception feast before the event in Genesis 29:22 covered below.
Bible Meaning of Married: Gen 19:14 And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which marriedH3947 his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the LORD will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.
H3947 לָקַח lâqach law-kakh‘ A primitive root; to take (in the widest variety of applications): - accept, bring, buy, carry away, drawn, fetch, get, infold, X many, mingle, place, receive (-ing), reserve, seize, send for, take (away, -ing, up), use, win.
Isa 62:5 For as a young man marriethH1166 a virgin, so shall thy sons marryH1166 thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.
H1166 בָּעַל bâ‛al baw-al‘ A primitive root; to be master; hence (as denominative from H1167) to marry: - Beulah have dominion (over), be husband, marry (-ried, X wife).
H1167 בַּעַל ba‛al bah'-al From H1166; a master; hence a husband, or (figuratively) owner (often used with another noun in modifications of this latter sense: - , husband, lord, man, + married, master, person, + sworn, they of.
Gen 18:12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lordH113 being old also? (H113 = meaning to rule; sovereign, that is, controller (human or divine): - lord, master, owner).
1. How does a woman become a woman / of a man? Ex 2:1; 2:21; 6:20; 23; 25; DEU 21:13.
Exo 2:1 And there went a man of the house of Levi, and took to wife a daughter of Levi.
Exo 2:21 And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter.
Exo 6:20 And Amram took him Jochebed his father's sister to wife; and she bare him Aaron and Moses:
Exo 6:23 And Aaron took him Elisheba, daughter of Amminadab, sister of Naashon, to wife; and she bare him Nadab, and Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar. .. Exo 6:25 And Eleazar Aaron's son took him one of the daughters of Putiel to wife; and she bare him Phinehas:
Deu 21:13 And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. Gen 38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
Note in all those examples no religious building, person nor God is mentioned. It is a human decision and process consisting of:
2. Two single people voluntarily come together by mutual consent or being betrothed via parents to become “husband” and “wife”. The relevant scriptures which we will read are Gen 11:29; Gen 21:21; Gen 16:3; 30:4, 9; but the main one is Exo 22:16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife / woman. So a betrothed woman (i.e. engaged) is classed as a wife and married, even if there has not been any intimacy. (Due 22:23). Infact she is called “wife” as far as the KJV translate promised woman in v24 “humbled his neighbour's wife”.
Gen 11:29 And Abram and Nahor took them wives: the name of Abram's wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor's wife, Milcah, Gen 21:21 And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt. Gen 16:3 And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife. Gen 30:4 And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her. Gen 30:9 When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife. Exo 22:16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife / woman. Exo 22:17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.
Deu 22:23 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Deu 22:24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.
3. Sometime after coming together, either immediately or in future, the man decides he does not like her or want her through no fault of her own. Deu 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. Deu 24:2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's.
4. As 3 above with reason being she is not a “maid” / virgin. Deu 22:13-22 Note v21 is to put her to death as put away evil from among you.
Deu 22:13 If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, Deu 22:14 And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: ... Deu 22:15 Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: Deu 22:16 And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; Deu 22:17 And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. Deu 22:18 And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; Deu 22:19 And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.
Deu 22:20 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Deu 22:21 Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
Deu 22:22 If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. Deu 22:23 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Deu 22:24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you. Deu 22:25 But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: Deu 22:26 But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter: Deu 22:27 For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.
5. She has committed adultery. Deu 22:22. Adultery was also forbidden in other nations as the Egyptians. That is why Joseph was thrown into prison. Deu 22:22 If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. This is not “fornication” as many interpret and teach is the meaning behind Mat 5:32 (But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery). A present day traditional teaching is the man can put away / divorce his wife for “sexual immorality”. Many Bible translations have replaced “fornication” with “sexual immorality”. By their logic, the woman can obtain a bill of divorce from her husband by having sex with another man. Then, possibly going onto marry that other man rather than being stoned under God’s law and putting sin away. Exodus 20:17 clearly says coveting property of another person is a sin and for that reason Yahshua said if a man puts away his wife except for the legitimate reason of “fornication” (false god worship) causes her to commit adultery. Which is having sex with a subsequent man. Also that subsequent man will also be committing adultery by being with the former man’s still married wife. See also Num 5:32 below.
6. Can a woman / wife put away her husband: She wants to leave the relationship (put the husband away). 1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. [we should have seen what constitutes marriage. So unmarried is not going with another man.]
7. None mutual consent i.e forcibly taken. Deu 22:28. Again other nations had similar laws. In Gen 34:2 the account reads Shechem “took” Dinah. It does not mention by force though that is what we are commonly taught. The word “took” is also used in verses with consent intimacy. Did Dinah consent or not? Did she run and cry as with Tamar and Ammon in 2 Sam 13:19? In any case Shechem wanted to make her his wife as the law permits; but Simeon and Levi broke up the marriage. In Judges 21:22 the men of Benjamin got their wives by catching them when they came out to dance at a festival.
Deu 22:28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Deu 22:29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days. What happens if they be not found or what they have done is not found out? Deu 29:29 The secret things belong unto the LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law. One translation of that verse answers the question what happens when the transgressor’s sins remain secret? Does the sinner(s) escape punishment so long as they hide their sin? The traditional interpretation of Deuteronomy 29:29 explains, “The [punishment of] the secret things belongs to the LORD our God, but the [punishment of] the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever.” Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Society and religious traditions have called God’s way sin, living in sin or child out of wedlock even for couples living together for years and man’s the tradition marriage. Thus Mat 23:15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves. This applies to many denominations who promote marriage by the world rather than by God and even advocate some relationships should be terminated; even if it means leaving children without a parent.
Those are the laws of God about how a man and woman become our wording of husband and wife. The result of such are referred to by Yahshua in Mat 19:5-6. Mat 19:6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder”. Meaning man, government or religious leader, cannot separate with a divorce law or tradition. “One flesh” cannot be divided without killing part i.e. amputation. Only dead things are put away from the body i.e. dead cells, skin, hair etc. As Rom 7:2 and 1 Cor 7:39 says, only when a husband dies, can the living part of the widow, be free from the dead part. I have heard the excuse, that maybe God did not join people who got “married” therefore man can grant them a divorce. We shall see how God joins people and if that created loophole of man counts.
8. The man having more than one wife. See concubine scriptures below. Also many men of God, Abraham, Jacob, Gideon, David had many wives and God said nothing about it being wrong nor punishing them. See below. Yet He punished David when the woman was wife to another man. There is no mention of the brother having to be single in Deut 25:5 when he is obligated to marry his dead brother’s widow. In Ruth 4:6 it is quite possible the kinsman who was suppose to marry her was not single; but he passed on his duty to Boaz. In Gen 38:6-8 we have an example of this law whereby Judah’s son who had married Tamar died. The widow became the wife when the brother “went in to her”. At the end of the account Judah says Tamar was more righteous than him for following the law as in Deut 25:5. It does not state what the law is if she has a child of the dead husband. Deu 25:5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.
9. The woman having more than one husband or lover outside marriage? Num 5:12. Deu 22:21, 23, Rom 7:2 below.
Num 5:11 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Num 5:12 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him, Num 5:13 And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner; Num 5:14 And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled: Num 5:15 Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest,... This is the one and only time we see a priest involved in marriage matters. They, via being a judge, can also be involved for wrong doing, which I assume can be mistreatment of a wife by her husband. See Deut 17:8 – 12.
[remember Deu 22:20 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:...]
10. Living in sin. We should have seen there is no allowance by God for intimacy outside marriage. If the woman is a maid / virgin, the man has to take her to be his and not put her away all his days. If she already has a husband they are both killed or only the man if he forced her in a place where no help could come to her screams. There is thus no such biblical thing as living in sin unless the couple are cohabiting as adulterers and the congregation disobey God and not stone them. In which case any children they have would not be recognised / accepted by God into His congregation Deu 23:2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD. [a conception as in Deu 22:27, forcing her in a field]. An example of this being King David and Bathsheba’s first child born out of their sin when Bathsheba was still married to Uriah. Rom 7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
I believe God has given directives (laws) on all these situations and we shall examine some further verse below.
How does A Woman become a Wife: God proclaimed many functions for the priest i.e a) Lev 13:2 When a man shall have in the skin of his flesh a rising, a scab, or bright spot, and it be in the skin of his flesh like the plague of leprosy; then he shall be brought unto Aaron the priest, or unto one of his sons the priests: b) Lev 14:34 When ye be come into the land of Canaan, which I give to you for a possession, and I put the plague of leprosy in a house of the land of your possession; Lev 14:35 And he that owneth the house shall come and tell the priest, saying, It seemeth to me there is as it were a plague in the house: c) Lev 15:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When any man hath a running issue out of his flesh, because of his issue he is unclean….Lev 15:14 And on the eighth day he shall take to him two turtledoves, or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and give them unto the priest: d) Lev 22:14 And if a man eat of the holy thing unwittingly, then he shall put the fifth part thereof unto it, and shall give it unto the priest with the holy thing. (See also Lev 27:8, 12, 14, 18; Num 5:16).
God even designated blessings on the people by the priests i.e in Num 6:22 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Num 6:23 Speak unto Aaron and unto his sons, saying, On this wise ye shall bless the children of Israel, saying unto them,....
Yet we do not read any directive of God that involved the temple or a priest for a marriage or blessing of it. We saw the verses above i.e. Deu 21:13, 22:13, 25:5, 22:19. It entailed taking or going into. In (Exo 22:17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.) It could be said a maid’s virginity has a value. Even to Muslims, having many virgins in the afterlife is worth dying for. From where and when did they get that value? Today young women are devaluing themselves by giving their virginity to persons with whom they may not, have little or no evidence or intention to stay. We need to get young women and men back to respecting and valuing their virginity. Neither is the value to be little. In God’s eyes the value is a lifetime commitment and pledge. By the way, Jacob did not pay a dowry for Leah or Rachel they were his wages for working free Gen 29:15 And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?.
The value of a woman’s virginity and faithfulness is one of the most serious commandments of God. He uses it and sexual comparisons as analogies or parallels to our and Israel’s relationship with Him. Terms as adultery, whoredom and harlot when unfaithful to Him in the worship of other gods or gods practices. Such is the effectiveness of the comparison that most Christians now think immoral sex is the number one sin above false god worship. In their understanding of Mat 5:32 which most think refers putting wife away ONLY for illicit sex; but not for having a false god! Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Numerous verse which I will not mention here, state having false gods are the number one sin (See Ex 20:3, Deut 12:2-3; 17:3-5; 13:2-3; 18:12). In addition Rev 2:20 and others associate “fornication” with false worship. For which Jezebel was famous 1 Kings 18:1 – 19:2 (Rev 2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols). (See also “whoredom” in Exo 34:15).
The practice of paying a dowry may have come in because man’s greed crept in. God only ordered a dowry if a man took maid; but her father refused to give her (Exo 22:17). It may have become a bargaining tactic. The father saying I will give you my daughter if you give me some money, a dowry. Maybe that way the father was able to buy or employ a servant to do the work the daughter used to do?
There was no wedding nor marriage ceremony and no piece of paper recording the event nor witnesses except in cases where the father gave the daughter to the man. Gen 29:22 describes Jacob’s and Leah’s “wedding” in terms of a celebration between Laban and the men prior to Jacob “going into” Leah; but this was not via instruction of God nor was the daughter Leah present. “Gen 29:22 And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast”. That celebration feast is the same as the word “wedding” used by translators in the New Testament. It does not mean a religious function Luk 14:8 When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him; Luk 14:9 And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room. Luk 14:10 But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher.. The higher and lower rooms are the equivalent to special reserved tables for family etc at wedding receptions today. Thus “wedding” in bible does not refer to church or ceremony; but social celebration.
DIVORCE: We have seen what constitutes marriage. Now let us look at if anyone can get out of that marriage before the other person dies. Remember in Deu 24:1 God said “When a man hath taken a wifeH802, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleannessH6172 in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house? H6172 עֶרְוָה ‛ervâh er-vaw' From H6168; nudity, literally (especially the pudenda) or figuratively (disgrace, blemish): - nakedness, shame, unclean (-ness).
H6172 does not relate to blood uncleanliness as a temporary illness because such an illnesses can be cured. I am assuming God does not permit putting a woman away because she is ill. This relates to some dislike in her nudity similar to the law about priest. And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, ‘Speak to Aaron, saying, None of your offspring throughout their generations who has a blemish may approach to offer the bread of his God.’” (Leviticus 21:16–17). Maybe something he would or could not have known of before since uncovering a woman’s nudity was forbidden. Without that bill of divorcement, she could be accused of adultery if found with another man and both of them will be stoned / killed, Lev 20:10]. “No favour in his eyes” is similar to Deu 21:14 “find no delight in her”. I would say, of course, the dislike in her nudity is not to be one of his sole personal opinion that can be attributed to a change of mind; but one supported by some physical fact. God has not prescribed a verification method so I do not know how this can be proved i.e. inspection of the fact by a priest as this could raise other issues. My point is it cannot be seen to be used as a get out clause. In line with other laws of God, I would also assume the man has to exercise his dislike as soon as he became aware of it. A time period may be hard to put on it as either the woman could avoid intimacy until after the time has expired or the man may take advantage up to the time period.
When Jacob was tricked by Laban and received Leah as his wages and wife why could he not put her away as a mistake? Because he was practicing God’s law of going into a woman makes her your woman / wife unless he found an uncleanliness in her or she was not a virgin (maid) Deu 24:1, 22:13, Ex 22:16. Maybe Laban knew this. Jacob was therefore forced to work another seven years for Rachael. Ignorance is no excuse in any law and it existed before Moses. The only other possible biblical way to avoid and death is Ex 21:10-11 below. It does not say she can remarry as in Deu 24:2. I will leave it to your reasoning that, if she does, is she guilty of adultery under Mat 19:9. However, as part of your consideration I suggest you consider Exo 20:17 and the laws of property. If an owner of property loses it (as in Exo 22:9-15, 23:4 or a pet of today), it walks goes away as with a runaway pet), or even if for one reason they leave it idle for years (as an old car that needs repairing or house as a holiday home; but has suffered storm damage), can another person claim it as theirs or does it always belong to its owner until they either sell or give it away?
Though Laban’s daughter’s were false god worshippers, Jacob did not nor could put them away. They were not trying to encourage him to depart from worshipping YHWH God, nor maybe would he have found a true God worshipper in that land. Bear in mind Gen 2:18 and fourteen years being a long time. Paul gives the same advice to those who marry unbelievers. He said “And I think I have the spirit of God”. He did not claim to have it as many do today. Nor to speak on behalf of God as many do today. His marriage advise started in 7:12 with “1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away...”. Previous verses were in relation to married women which he covered from God’s commands and now he was moving onto situations not covered by God’s commands i.e. a woman married to an unbelieving husband. 1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. He did not advise that she leaves him or him her as is pastors and church teachings today. He adds that if they separate their children become unclean, unholy; but by staying together they become holy. What Paul was saying about those ungodly relationships is how to make the best of them. Not to leave them and go onto another believing partner as that would be committing adultery in God’s eyes and there is no guarantee that apparently believing new partner would remain a believer.
Rape: I know the question of rape maybe in some of your minds. I have mentioned some verses that deal with force i.e. Deu 22:28-9 above. The bible has three events of women taken by force. Dinah, Tamar and wives for some of Reuben tribe. A) The raping of Tamar by Ammon in 2 Samuel 13. In v12-13 she advises Ammon to get permission first, which he did not. She immediately brought the matter to her brother Absalom in v19-20. B) Raping of Dinah in Gen 34 whereby Shechem made efforts to make his lustful action right by asking permission to “marry” her. Simeon and Levi later killed the men of his city in v25, which is against God’s laws as later shown in Deuteronomy. For this Simeon and Levi were cursed by their father Jacob as he died in Gen 49:5-7. C) Wives for the tribe of Benjamin in Judges 21. Jdg 21:16 Then the elders of the congregation said, How shall we do for wives for them that remain, seeing the women are destroyed out of Benjamin? Jdg 21:19 Then they said, Behold, there is a feast of the LORD in Shiloh yearly in a place which is on the north side of Bethel, on the east side of the highway that goeth up from Bethel to Shechem, and on the south of Lebonah. Jdg 21:20 Therefore they commanded the children of Benjamin, saying, Go and lie in wait in the vineyards; Jdg 21:21 And see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin.
For domestic abuse situations, I suggest these laws of God be followed; but they MUST be administered by a practitioner of His laws (Deu 4:6 and Psa 111:10 .. a good understanding have all they that do his commandments) not one of who does not (1Tim 1:7 Desiring to be teachers of the law; understanding neither what they say, nor whereof they affirm).
Exo 21:20 And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. Exo 21:26 And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye's sake. Deu 17:8 If there arise a matter too hard for thee in judgment, between blood and blood, between plea and plea, and between stroke and stroke, being matters of controversy within thy gates: then shalt thou arise, and get thee up into the place which the LORD thy God shall choose; Deu 17:9 And thou shalt come unto the priests the Levites, and unto the judge that shall be in those days, and enquire; and they shall shew thee the sentence of judgment: Deu 17:10 And thou shalt do according to the sentence, which they of that place which the LORD shall choose shall shew thee; and thou shalt observe to do according to all that they inform thee: Deu 17:11 According to the sentence of the law which they shall teach thee, and according to the judgment which they shall tell thee, thou shalt do: thou shalt not decline from the sentence which they shall shew thee, to the right hand, nor to the left.
CONCUBINES.
In God’s instructions there was no use of the word “concubine” only “woman” which translators changed to “wife” for women with husbands. He also gave instructions regarding a man having more than one “woman / wife” Deu 21:15. Yet His instructions covered all women whether single, betrothed, married and widowed. Also women captured in battle who became wives not concubines (Deu 21:10-13). (See the photo of bible page on Judges 8:31). Jdg 8:31 And his concubineH6370 that was in Shechem, she also bare him a son, whose name he called Abimelech. Jdg 19:1 And it came to pass in those days, when there was no king in Israel that there was a certain Levite sojournin on the side of mount Ephraim, who took to him a concubineH802 out of Bethlehemjudah.
[Remember woman, wife and wives = H802. Here we see it is also used for concubine].
The above verses show the translators have used “concubine” for two different Hebrew words. According to the Hebrew use of the word for wife H802 and concubine H6370 referring to the same person, it appears a concubine is a wife; but not the first or principal wife. Examples being:
Gen 25:1+ Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah. 1Ch 1:32 Now the sons of Keturah, Abraham's concubine: she bare Zimran, …. Gen 25:1+ Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah.
Gen 29:29 And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid. Gen 30:4 And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her. Gen 35:22 And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father's concubine: and Israel heard it. Gen 37:2 These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brethren; and the lad was with the sons of Bilhah, and with the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives: and Joseph brought unto his father their evil report.
Jdg 8:30 And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives. Jdg 8:31 And his concubine that was in Shechem, she also bare him a son, whose name he called Abimelech.
[Remember Gideon is a man chosen by God].
Jdg 19:1 And it came to pass in those days, when there was no king in Israel, that there was a certain Levite sojourning on the side of mount Ephraim, who took to him a concubine out of Bethlehemjudah. Jdg 19:2 And his concubine played the whore against him, and went away from him unto her father's house to Bethlehemjudah, and was there four whole... Here we read her actions of playing “the whore” is the same as used for a wife that does the same thing, go with another man. Jdg19:3 And her husband arose, and went after her,… Jdg 19:4 And his father in law, the damsel's father, …
In the Strong’s concordance the source or meaning of the Hebrew word translated as “concubine” is uncertain; but they associate its meaning to a “paramour”. That comes from a French word “par amour” which indicates a relationship based on love; but physical love i.e. a lover. Remember, in God’s instructions a woman was not permitted a lover unless it was her husband! Rather than use man’s or Strong’s guess of the “uncertain” meaning, the bible has interpreted itself when scripture verses are compared line upon line and precept on precept. A concubine is a wife, albeit not the first wife.
In the E-sword concordance which some of you may have on your mobile phones, if you look at Judges 19:1 you should see a note which states concubine: Hebrew, a woman, a concubine, or, a wife. You may also find this Hebrew reference in the margin of a good KJV bible. Though in v1 she is referred to as a “concubine”, she is said to have gone off to another man which is described in v2 as playing “the whore against him”. Verse 19:3 and 20:4 calls him “her husband”, v4 refers to his “father inlaw”. All terms indicating them being “married”.
Though we may not like what the bible teaches, either through our traditions or gender, you may agree it states a man can have and did have more than one wife. Any following the first wife being called both wife and concubine.
In the case of David’s concubines, just as in the Judges 19 account where the man is called husband, in 2Sam 20:3 the concubines are called widows, a term also used or wives. 2Sa 20:3 And David came to his house at Jerusalem; and the king took the ten women his concubines, whom he had left to keep the house, and put them in ward, and fed them, but went not in unto them. So they were shut up unto the day of their death, living in widowhood.
CAN A WOMAN OR MAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE SPOUSE:
Rom 7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
We should have seen a woman cannot have more than one husband at a time nor in his lifetime except for the occasion he divorced her as in Deu 24:1-2. Arguably not for fornication as mentioned by Yahshua in Mat 5:32. Though Deu 24:2 says “And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife”, we do not see a similar permission in Mat 5:32.
Even when her husband is dead she is not free to have intimacy / marry who she wishes. It has to be the next in line in the family or tribe as in Deu 25:5 and with Ruth and Boaz. DO NOT ADD nor take away from sentence i.e that she can remarry. Once a man takes a woman as a “wife”, in the event of his death, her future husband is set for her within the laws of God i.e. brother in law as in Deu 25:5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. Deu 25:6 And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.
Rth 1:11 And Naomi said, Turn again, my daughters: why will ye go with me? are there yet any more sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands? Gen 38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. Gen 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. Gen 38:10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. Gen 38:11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did.
It may not be anything to do with DNA as many people today marry strangers. It maybe more to do with inheritance which I hope to cover in my personal comments. In Gen 38:24 even though Tamar’s husband was dead, it was unlawful for her to go with another male except one in the family i.e. brother of dead husband. When it was thought she was pregnant by another outside family she would have been burnt (38:14). Only proving the child was within God’s law, i.e. the family, saved her. Had the brother been intimate with her during her husband’s lifetime it would have been a sin under Lev 20:21 And if a man shall take his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother's nakedness. It is under Deu 25:5 that Naomi said “If I should say, I have hope, if I should have an husband also to night, and should also bear sons; Rth 1:13 Would ye tarry for them till they were grown? would ye stay for them from having husbands?”
1Co 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 1Co 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
For clarity, this means a woman cannot have non platonic boyfriend, partner or other terms given to such relationships today. If her first intimacy, he becomes her husband. Any other is biblical adultery even if is done in secret to human eyes it is not in secret to God’s. Num 5:12 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him, Num 5:13 And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner.... Remember she is married and has therefore committed adultery secretly i.e. no one knows, it is sin. Thus she cannot have more than one husband / sexual partner during lifetime of first (husband)].
What about a man, can he have more than one wife? Remember in Deu 25:5 God instructed a surviving brother to marry the widow of his dead brother. No stipulation it only applied if the brother was single is mentioned. In Ex 20:10-11 He gives a directive on the treatment of subsequent wives. God also said Deu 21:10 When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, Deu 21:11 And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; Deu 21:12 Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; Deu 21:13 And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.
No stipulation that it only applied to single men is made. In addition to the above examples of many Godly men having numerous wives we should also note God did not reprimand any of them nor say anything on it. In fact God, rather than indicate any displeasure in it, He gives directives on it Deu 21:15 If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated:...
Some people may argue this is because the men were doing it and God went along with it by giving a directive. God has never went along with anyone’s transgression of His commands. For every sin and uncleanliness God prescribed a sacrifice or remedy i.e. leprosy or woman after child birth. We do not see any such provision for man with two or more wives. Thus it was not a sin unless the woman was another man’s betrothed or wife as with David and Bathsheba. One reason of God could be in providing for women since thousands of men get killed in battles leaving an imbalance in the population. His way avoids prostitution, promiscuity, women enticing or stealing husbands, husbands killing one wife to be free to marry another, etc.
Two other reasons why God instituted a man can have more than one woman / wife is a) Man is not meant to be alone compared to a woman (Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; 1Cor 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 1Cor 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried,
b) A man should leave behind a heir to keep his name going. If his first wife is barren, then his name would die with him. Note the emphasis God placed on keeping a man’s name going. For that reason, a man could only give a woman a bill of divorcement if he find an uncleanliness in her i.e. barren Deu 24:1.
c) During certain periods i.e. monthly or after child birth, a woman becomes “unclean”. A husband cannot ly with her and attend the temple congregations he was commanded to attend. Also possibly during the months of pregnancy, or post childbirth a woman may suffer depression and prefer to withhold from intimacy.
Some scriptures of Godly men having more than one wife:
Jdg8:30 And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives. [Gideon was chosen by God]. We are not told if in Ruth 4:6 the kinsman already had a wife which is why he did not want to take Ruth. Speaking of Samuel’s father 1Sa 1:2 And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. 1Sa 25:43 David also took Ahinoam of Jezreel; and they were also both of them his wives. [see 25:40-42 how Abigail became wife, no ceremony. Also 3rd wife Bathsheba (who bared Solomon) in 2Sam 11:27].
2Sa 5:13 And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron: and there were yet sons and daughters born to David. God speaking saying He gave “wives”, not one wife 2Sa 12:8 And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things.
We see God working in many mysterious ways in the bible to bring about his will, as Joseph being sold into slavery, and maybe he used the four women of Jacob to get the twelve tribes of Israel. However, God does mention some limitations to the man i.e. Lev 18:18 Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time. Exo 21:7 And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. Exo 21:8 If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her. Exo 21:9 And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters. Exo 21:10 If he take him another (wife); her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. Exo 21:11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money. [here we see association with money and property value].
Forbidden persons. For completeness I have included ones relating to a living other husband.
Lev_20:14 And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you. Lev 18:29 For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people.
Speaking of the Levite priest Lev 21:13 And he shall take a wife in her virginity. . Lev 21:14 A widow, or a divorced woman, or profane, or an harlot, these shall he not take: but he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife. We are told when intimacy was wrong. When a man went into another’s woman, wife or concubine. With Reuben in Gen 35:22, Gen 49:4; 1Chron 5:1).
Adultery.
I have more or less covered this in points made above as regards what a man or woman can biblically do. Note in relation to a man, he is only guilty if the woman is a woman/wife of another man; but in regards to woman it relates to any other man. No mention is made of him being married or not. This addresses the question if the woman can have two husbands or a lover outside marriage. Sex without “marriage” was outlawed by God . The “knowing her” or “going in onto her” or “taking her” was the sign of becoming “married” or be put to death (Ex 22:16-17; Deut 22:21). Thus there was no such thing as “fornication” for sex before married and “adultery” for after married. A woman is said to have to be a virgin; but this is never used for the man. In Deu 22:21 if she was not a virgin her actions were called evil. Maybe this is from where the Muslims get their honour killing concept? Remember 1 Cor 7:9-10 that a woman cannot put away her husband or, if she does, she should remain on her own.
Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 are two misunderstood verses by pastors, bible teachers and Christians that may render them under Mat 7:21 – 23. Many bibles have replaced “fornication” with sexual immorality or equivalent. I have heard numerous teachings and commentaries interpreting the verses that a husband can put away his wife if she is unfaithful. Firstly, I think it should be clear from the question Yahshua was answering that it related to married couples and not unmarried as many people think “fornication” applies. Mat 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? Yahshua’s answer “Mat 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mat 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. Mat 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his WIFE, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
We should all agree adultery is a wife having sex with another man (or man with another man’s wife) i.e sexual immorality. In short, if “fornication” is also her having sex with another man and that is the reason he put her away, he cannot cause her to do something “sexual immorality / adultery” that she already did and was the reason he put her away “sexual immorality / fornication”. Yahshua was saying there is only one reason he can put her away. That must be the number one sin she can do in God’s eyes. Having a false god (Exodus 20:3, 34:15). By not putting her away or stoning her under laws mentioned above, she may cause the man to go away from God as Solomon’s wives and Jezebel did.
If we use the false commonly believed reason that the husband can put her away for being unfaithful with another man, then all the wife would need to do to get a bill of divorcement is be unfaithful to him with the new man she wishes to be with and tell her husband. Thereby accomplishing what she wanted of getting divorced and marrying the next man. If and when she wishes to move unto another man, she simply repeats that false formulae. With reference to what jezebel did, I above showed she in 1 Kings 18 caused Israel to worship false gods Rev 2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols. (Fornication in proper context associated with high places, other kingdoms and their false god worship).
Some teachers of the false meaning of “fornication” of mat 5:32 and 19:9 may try and beguile you by taking you outside the verse to other verses where Christian Bible translators have used “fornication” in a human sexual context to which they were taught. However, putting that sexual context into the verse clearly does not make sense. For example, if Jack and Jill are married and Jill has sex with Tom, God clearly calls that Adultery; for which she or both of them are punished not she gets a bill of divorcement from her husband. Yet they would have you believe that for that sexual reason Jack can give her a bill of divorcement otherwise it would cause her to do commit adultery. The very thing for which she first did!
Some other relevant scriptures are:
Exo 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife. That verse lists a man’s wife with his property as does Mat 18:25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. Gen 34:25 And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males. Gen 34:26 And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out. Gen 34:27 The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister. Gen 34:28 They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field, Gen 34:29 And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house (see also disannulling a wives vow below).
Lev 18:20 Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour's wife, to defile thyself with her. Lev 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. Lev 19:20 And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free.
Were she not betrothed or owned via being bondmaid then Ex 22:16 comes in. Note he does not get off free, he has to pay sacrifice price Lev 19:21 And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering).
What is Living in sin.
Traditionally we are taught and everyone I know thinks, it is when two persons live together without being married with a piece of paper. Obviously I do not mean independent of each other as flat mates nor accommodation sharing.
I have heard of many women who were ostracised from churches for such relationships. Newly baptised or seeking to be baptised men and women ending relationships, even long ones because of that teaching irrespective of whether they had children together. Before I am accused of advocating or promoting casual or temporary relationships let me state clearly I am not. I am promoting a proper understanding of biblical marriage.
Paul said in 1Cor 7:10-11 a woman should not leave her husband and if she does she remains on her own or returns to him. God and Messiah said the only biblical times she can enter another relationship is if her husband dies or puts her away for fornication or a certain uncleanliness. In which case he has to give her a bill of divorcement. Divorce papers given for any other reason of the uncleanliness one mentioned above, are biblically void. That means that if she goes with another man outside those two reasons she is committing adultery and if lives with such another man is biblically “living in sin”! Each subsequent male she goes with in failed relationships compounds and multiplies the sin. Therefore, when churches, individuals and tradition encourages a woman or man to leave a relationship, with or without the worldly piece of divorce paper, are they not promoting sin and making sinners of the people? Sending them to the very fiery destination they are trying to avoid? Mat 23:15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
Worse still, not only is she committing a sin; but also the man or subsequent men who goes with her. Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. Now she (and the man) may think that when she gets married via a piece of paper or church ceremony to the or one of the subsequent men and remains faithful to him she has not committed a sin; but what does the scriptures teach? Are his or her actions only a sin if committed after the world’s piece of paper and not before or after the act that God says makes a marriage?
Status within a marriage.
Time doesn’t permit me to add the result of the next three points of this study; but you can look up the word “thousand(s)” in the KJV bible and see how many times those that were killed by God for disobedience are men compared to men and women, people etc. When God and Moses appointed persons for leadership, judging or sanctuary duties who were they? When it refers to the congregation doing something is it categories as people, men and women or only men? That point is different to a salvational one as mentioned in Gal_3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
I say the KJV because sometimes the word “men” is inserted by the translators and when so, unlike many other versions, the KJV puts it in italics.
I am sure no woman wants to be reminded of Gen 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. NOR Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Some Christian women like the instruction of Paul for husbands to love their wives as found in Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church. A similar love instruction is also given to women by Paul and Titus. Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Being ruled over is seen as a bad thing whether in the world or the bible. Most people do not want to be ruled by God and many wives do not want to be ruled by husbands. Maybe because of today’s equality regulations and church teachings. I have heard sermons about women being equal to men because Eve came from Adam’s rib. As a result many women are willing to submit to employers, other agencies as bank regulations and even delivery companies who say to wait in all day for a delivery; but not their husbands or prospective ones.
A husband also has the right to cancel a vow a wife makes even to God. Num_30:8 But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her. Num 30:13 Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void. SLIDE 38
Vows and who can annul a woman’s vow, may have relevance to “ownership” property and origin of today’s wedding certificate.
The teaching of the bible is that a female generally stays in her father’s house, under his protection and authority until she gets married and lives with her husband. The father giving her to a husband. On the husband’s death she either returns to her parents or gets remarried as studied above.
I will end there. I have presented what I find the scriptures said; but am open for correction if supported by clear scriptures rather than an opinion, tradition or reasoning. I remind you of Luke 13:3, 5 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. 1Cor 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Lev 4 talks about sins in ignorance are still sins that require repentance.
We may have thought as the world, that we are or were single until it gives us a piece of paper and then become married; but is that what God has said? If you base your marriage on a piece of paper or going into a church, anyone can get one and go into the church today. Two women or men. Next it maybe humans and pets they love!
If you base your divorce on a similar piece of paper, anyone can get that too. The world’s piece of paper says we got divorced and are free to move on after sharing any assets. Is that what God instituted? If not, then all who thought they were once single in an intimate relationship would not have been and have gone on to commit adultery and cause the worldly married one with them to commit adultery. A serious thought. The devil has numerous tricks up his sleeve. If he does not catch us out on the correct sabbathS, he still has adultery and more. Maybe the action needed by us is to find a quiet place between us and God and repent for any adulterous acts. We know He is merciful, longsuffering and wishes us to come to the true understanding of Him. Always holding out His outstretched arms to welcome us back when we return to Him. With Him all things are possible.
John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Only acceptance and practice of God’s truth will set you free of the devil and his minister’s lies. Part of the truth is Luk 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
In part 2 I have dealt with why God Instituted this system compared to what is practiced today.
Shalom.
GOD’S BIBLICAL MARRIAGE, PART 2.
(GOD’S REASONS).
What I want to do in this part is to divert a little from quoting scriptures as I did a lot of that in part one. I would like to be a bit like Paul and give my judgement on why I think God instituted the system He did compared to the one the world, inclusive of Christian teachings, has adopted. I am not going to go into the history or origins of today’s practices as a church service, the wedding ring, etc as you can research that for yourself. Rings were not in the bible nor the only recognised married practice over the centuries. There was one of simply jumping over a broom. Rings and marriage certificates were for the rich as a sign of ownership and listing of property. Poor people simply had what was termed the poor person wedding; but was actually like in the bible. They married themselves.
In part one we studied as the title suggested “A Biblical Marriage” which only God can prescribe. Now we shall try to understand why. To save me repeating qualifications about what I will say with “I think, maybe, possibly” etc I will teach as if my judgement is one of biblical authority. Ofcourse it is not unless I quote directly from it. However, like Paul, I will say “and I think I have the Spirit of God”. At least that is my aim.
The first indication of God’s reasoning is found at man’s creation where God gave him dominion over the created world, if not at least the Garden of Eden, and a help meet in the form of woman, Eve. What was Eve to help Adam do? Multiply and replenish the earth as instructed in Gen 1:28. It was the first command and came before their sin. The sin that resulted in Adam having to toil the earth for food. Meaning, before then Eve was not given to help him labour since he had no labour to do. He could carry out all of God’s commands himself except to multiply and replenish the earth. If women understood God’s purpose and acted in accordance with it, they could be in a privileged position of being taken care of like Bathsheba said of Solomon’s servants 2Ch 9:7 Happy are thy men, and happy are these thy servants, which stand continually before thee,. . A similar relationship between the God women claim to follow and his people Exo 23:25 And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee. Prior to getting married, they come under the jurisdiction of their father. Who provides for and protects her. He then gives her away to a suitable man who he believes would take over and continue his care for his daughter. The privilege comes with conditions which women today do not want to accept. Nicely put, that the father and husband are the head of the household.
Pro 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Before Adam could get himself a vision, the deceiver planted one in his mind through Eve. Eat and be wise. He, as we, should have followed the second part of the proverb “he that keepeth the law is happy”. The same teaching God later gave Israel, His separated people, called to be peculiar by keeping His laws when others were not. Noah was given the same instructions as Adam, be fruitful and multiply (Gen 9:1).
God’s vision for Abraham was to “Gen 12:1 - Gen 12:2 And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing”. Adam was meant to be an example to the rest of the human race that God made. That they look on the blessings Adam had in the garden of God and choose from the freewill He gave them, to obey God. As with Abraham, God can turn each holy man into a leader of a large family, prosperous mini nation etc; but this takes the marriages staying together until uncles, aunties, cousins become as the twelve tribes of Israel. The deceiver breaks up families to keep them in servitude always starting over rather than reaping the benefits of numbers like a large company. If we look back at our lives and think how much money we could have saved, investments made, retire early, leave an inheritance and legacy large enough for our children’s children, we realise too late what the devil has done. Just do not leave it too late to also realise any error in theology we follow.
We know and are living the consequences of Eve being deceived and Adam following. The next man woman relationship the bible focuses on is Abraham and Sarah. God gave him a vision. He said to Sarah pack up we are to go and off they went to follow God, through Abraham. Even, when he made bad decisions, because of his obedience to God, and hers to him God protected him and his wife when she was in the premises of Pharaoh. To the extent they came out wealthy as did Isaac and Israel when they too went into Egypt. In the context of their relationship, we hear of Sarah she wanted to please her husband. In chapter 16 she may have thought her duty as a wife was to bear a heir for Abraham so that his name does not cease when he dies. A concept we saw in part one when a brother dies and leaves no heir. She wanted to please him and in return he pleased her when she made the request in Gen 16:6 But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face. Abraham showed love to Sarah because she showed love in the form of respect for him. Similarly how we are to show love for God.
This is why Paul was able to advise 1Co 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. Rather than deny self as advised in 1Cor 7:4-5 the mindset today is if I do not get and am not happy, I walk away. 1Co 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 1Co 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
Abraham went on to be a wealthy man through God’s blessings. Whatever land he set his foot, it prospered all because “Gen_26:5 Because that Abraham obeyed my voice, and kept my charge, my commandments, my statutes, and my laws” and had a wife as the virtuous woman in Pro 31:10. He had a company of at least 318 male employees to govern etc. A big enterprise; but he knew for a man to be successful by God’s means he must also have a godly wife. To that end he sent his servant to get such a wife for his son Isaac, who married Rebecca.
I remember reading or hearing something about Barak Obama and Michelle in his autobiography. If I remember it correctly, it was they went to a restaurant and saw an old boyfriend of Michelle who was a chef. Barak may have asked a question like how would she have felt being the wife of a chef. She replied, he would not have become a chef; but president. That could be seen as whether he liked it or not. An ex girlfriend of Barak said he wanted to be president even from a young age. So both Barak and Michelle shared the same vision.
If we follow the principle of man and woman relationship ordained by God we should see it matches the analogy He uses with Himself as a husband and Israel or His end time church as His bride. So I will jump directly to that parallel. The woman was created for Adam to be his help meet. Israel was created to be God’s help meet in showing His mercy and salvation to the world.
God Asked Israel to choose Him not because he was shiny like the gold idols, strong like the pillars or far away like the host of heaven; but based on His record and that was near, practical and cared. it was not based on physical looks, handsome appearance or anything physical. They could not see Him. When He directs us to partners, He gives the same directive. See they can provide and are Godly. Today many choose their partners for outer appearance rather than sound principle. Then some time later ask God to take away the consequences of our poor choice. Ofcourse I am not saying it is wrong to make that appearance a criteria. God looks on the inside; but man on the outside. Rachael was beautiful; but whether Jacob chose her purely on beauty or getting to like her during the month he worked for Laban, we are not told in Gen 29:14. However, he was prepared to work and wait 14 years to be with her. That may not work today. On the other hand Rebecca went with Abraham’s servant to be Isaac’s wife not based on looks, but reputation and standing.
1. We may have heard of a long ceased practice of shot gun weddings. That was a man, who had biblically “known” or “gone into” a daughter was forced to make a choice. Marry her or be shot. Similar to Deu 22:28 or the account of Shechem and Dinah in Gen 34:2. Or even if their action was by mutual consent. In other words, the act was seen as a reason for her to become the man’s wife similar to God’s laws.
2. The father today also gives away his daughter similar to the bible teaching i.e. as with Isaac and Rebecca or Jacob and Laban’s daughters. Exo_2:21 And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter. Deu_22:16 And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;
3. To prevent such mutual consent acts, couples had chaperones when being together. If the act still took place and became known it was frowned upon by the whole society. I think even to the extent one lost their right to be king, or hold any authoritative position. How far we have come all in the deception of progress, equality and women’s liberation, promotion and free distribution of contraceptives etc all encouraging promiscuity as “fun”.
4. Some kind of deterrent is being tried in the effort to save governments money. If the father of the child can be proven, maintenance is seized from them. It is not a moral decision; but financial.
5. I mentioned in part one; but I think is worth mentioning again, with God’s way there is no sexually transmitted disease nor health expenditure on it as every woman a man goes into would be a virgin. Excluding those taken in war. I know in at least one case every women who was not a virgin was killed; but I cannot remember if this applied for all cases.
6. In Numbers chapter 5 God outlines a remedy for a husband’s spirit of jealousy. Today with the concept of cheating, if a man suspects his girlfriend of seeing another man and ask her not to go out, the world labels it as controlling etc.
7. There is only one scripture advising a deacon to have one wife. 1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. The word mainly only appears in these few verses of advice from Paul to Timothy and there is no Hebrew equivalent of the word in Hebrew bible system. Paul was of the Jewish system of rabbi and Levite priests. Here deacon is used in terms of a helper in the church. Why is the instruction only given in respect of helpers in the church and no other? I do not know. In Ephesians 4:11 Paul list other members of the congregation Eph 4:10 He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.) Eph 4:11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; Eph 4:12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: The “he” being Messiah, who speaks on behalf of God. Yet the ones who “he” chose are not the ones said to have one wife, only the deacons who are chosen by the people. So why only the deacon, the helper, the lesser of the group? However, it is advice of Paul that does not have a support of a commandment of God. For such reason, I personally think that was a mistranslation by the translators who inherit the same theology from the Catholic system.
8. 2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: is a verse used to justify Christians not marrying non Christians and even Christians of one denomination not marrying another. The verse was not written with marriage in mind, though verses can sometimes be taken out of their original context to make a parallel point in another subject. 6:14 was written in the context of false worship or mixing worship systems as Christianity has done today. Mixing the doctrines of God and teachings of his apostles with inherited infiltrations of paganism i.e. celebration of Christmas, Easter, Sunday worship etc. Biblical concepts mixed days of false god worship. (See 2Cor 7:1 for context and Rev 18:4 or similarity).
However, in the context of mixed faith relationships, I thought there were supporting instructions of God prohibiting; but on seeking them I could not find any. I asked a rabbi and he referred me to Deu 7:1 When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou; Deu 7:2 And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them: Deu 7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. Deu 7:4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
An associated verse is: Jos 23:12 Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you: Jos 23:13 Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you.
I am not sure if these verses apply to all other nations except in the context of the risk of Deu 7:4 For they will turn away thy son from following me. “Seven nations” is mentioned in verse 1 and clear reference is mentioned of “them” and “their”. Joshua says, go back, remnant of these nations. In Ezra 9:1 eight nations are mentioned of which five are of the seven in Deut 7:1. Whether the others are the same people under another name, I have not researched; but in Ezra 9:1 the same reason for not mixing is given “according to their abominations”.
We know God cast these nations out of their land due to the extent of their depravity. He did not cast out other nations. When Abraham went to Egypt, Abimelech spoke to God saying Gen 20:4 But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, Lord, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation? So I will leave it to you how to use these verses and warnings. Also remember the actions of the king of Nineveh when Jonah went to him with a message from God. See Ruth 1.
Clearly God teaches that he does not want us to worship any other god, practice or be with anyone who would lead us to do that. We know Abraham and Samson’s parents did not want their sons to marry heathen women; but we also know many did. Judah, Joseph, Solomon, the priest returning with Nehemiah. The problem was not in the marrying them; but the risk of them taking you away from obeying God as with Solomon.
Coming onto today, we should follow the same teachings and ultimate purpose, serve God and do not let anyone take away our promised crown. Preferably find a spouse that will live a Godly life with you. Failing that, one that would not prevent you living a Godly life. If you are already in an intimate relationship, God sees it as marriage. Try to remain in it and together learn to come around to obeying God. It may take time and a lot of prayer and fasting; but if ultimately that person will take you away from serving God, it may be better to be on your own. The verse is not to be used to prevent inter Christian denomination marriages if both persons truly desire to serve God by studying and learning. Together they should find the right way to serve in spirit and truth which may not be in either of the denominations in which they are. There are many successful marriages that fit the above criteria as well and many failed ones where persons were of the same faith and doctrine. For women, I would advise marrying a good husband, Christian or not. You can practice your faith on your own. It is better than marrying a Christian man who is a bad husband.
9) Out of wedlock abortions: Many baby featus are aborted every year because of the stigma of becoming pregnant before a church wedding or marriage piece of paper. That is a story in itself. How does God feel about such deaths under a Christian banner with His name and teachings? Many times the same couple go on to have more children with the only difference being the others came after the “world’s” wedding criteria and or with another partner. Should the action not be to bring the young, possibly ignorant couple together and educate them to stay together under God’s commands rather than religious traditions? Many couples either living together or with children are putting off getting married until they can afford it. Was there a price placed by God on getting married or was a price necessary?
10. Lastly, I found one of my old writings on marriage in which I made an observation about the commandment found in Exo 22:16 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. Exo 22:17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins (see also Gen 34:12, the account of Shechem offering a dowry for Dinah; Deut 22:29, 1Sam 18:25). I will leave it to you to decern if God is saying the father has to surely give her daughter to be the wife on the payment of the sum i.e. Deut 22:29 ... give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, AND she SHALL BE his wife. That to me says that God is saying the end result is if the father does not want to give his daughter away for free, he is to do so on the payment of the dowry. Bear in mind the verse about a bastard and other implications. Thus do not add to, take away from nor change the order of God’s wording.
BIBLICAL MARRIAGE (Part 3) the future.
The thing with a biblical marriage is most do not understand what constitutes a biblical one. Traditional practices are wrongly taught and sanctioned by governments and churches. As is what constitutes reasons for divorce; especially adultery. The world teaches equality between men and women so it assumes the same adulterous act of a woman also goes for a man in God’s eyes. An act commonly called unfaithfulness. It does not necessarily!
The bible says in Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
A man marrying / taking a wrongly put away woman commits adultery because she is biblically still married. That is regardless whether he has a wife already or not. It does not state, if he is married and marries another single or widowed woman that he has committed adultery. i.e. in Ex 22:17 and Deu 22:9 God commands he makes the virgin his wife. It does not mention a condition of only if he is not already married. On the other hand, a woman who already has a husband, and we defined husband in earlier parts, commits adultery the moment she goes with another man unless it is found he forced her and she immediately brings it to authorities.
The below is an article of September 2018 that tells how man intends to make it even easier in their eyes, for marriages to be dissolved. By 2020 the “faultless divorce” became law.
Fault-based divorces are set to be scrapped in an effort to reduce the bitterness surrounding marriage breakdowns under plans for the biggest shake-up of the law for nearly 50 years. Spouses would also lose the right to hold up the completion of a divorce to which they do not consent. The proposals follow years of warnings that existing legislation leads to needlessly painful and destructive break-ups, increasing the distress for parting couples and their children.
Justice Secretary David Gauke, who has previously acknowledged that there is a strong case for reform, is preparing to announce a consultation into the moves. Currently divorces are granted in England and Wales if adultery, unreasonable behaviour or desertion by a spouse can be proved. (Note man’s law adultery is i.e. by a man with being unfaithful with another woman who is married or not).
Alternatively they take place if a couple separate by consent for two years or without consent for five years.
Mr Gauke is proposing the removal of the requirement for a spouse to provide one of those five reasons.
Around 60 per cent of divorces are granted for the fault-based reasons of adultery or unreasonable behaviour.
The Justice Secretary also wants to make it more difficult to contest a divorce and to set a time-limit for the divorce process.
Trapped in marriages: The divorce laws came under fresh scrutiny in July when the Supreme Court refused to allow a Worcestershire woman, Tini Owens, a divorce from her husband of 40 years. (She was having an affair, he was now 20 years her older than her 60 yrs and she wanted out). Its judges told her that she had to remain in her marriage until 2020 despite her protest that the marriage is “loveless and has broken down”.
A study into nearly 500 divorces published by the Nuffield Foundation this year concluded that the legislation forced couples into unnecessary courtroom battles to attribute blame for the collapse of their marriage. It found that many “defended cases are triggered by the law itself” which is out of step with most other jurisdictions in Europe and North America. The research concluded that the high use of fault-based arguments did not reflect “a peculiarly high level of marital infidelity or misbehaviour in England and Wales” but the desire by couples to move on with their lives and not wait two years for their divorces to be complete.
Cross-party support
The Ministry of Justice refused to comment on Mr Gauke’s plans, but Labour said it was fully committed to introducing no-fault proceedings. Richard Burgon, the Shadow Justice Secretary, said: “Instead of yet another consultation, the Conservatives should get on with changing our divorce laws so that they are fit for the 21st century.” Mr Gauke signalled his sympathy for overhauling the law in an interview earlier this year. He said he was “increasingly persuaded . . . that what we have at the moment creates more antagonism than we really need”.
The Justice Secretary added: “I don’t think the best way of helping the institution of marriage is by putting bureaucratic hurdles in the way of a divorce.” Baroness Vere of Norbiton, a government minister, this week indicated that moves were planned to end fault-based break-ups.
“The government is looking closely at divorce law to see what can be done to reduce conflict. We want above all to limit the adverse impact on children,” she told the Lords. Baroness Butler-Sloss, a former president of the high court's family division, has condemned the law on divorce as “not fit for purpose”. She is supporting a Bill passing through the Lords calling for reform.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/family-relationships/11-facts-about-the-history-of-marriage-that-might-shock-you/ar-BBlVtuo?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout#page=1 [12 June 2017].
11 Facts about the history of marriage that might shock you. See numbers 3 and 5.
What's the point of life if not to fall in love, get married and have lots of babies? While that may be the ultimate goal for many people, it obviously isn't the rule and over the years society has become far more accepting of relationships that deviate from what we consider "traditional" unions. But, in a nutshell, that's the biggest misunderstanding of all: what we think of as an old-fashioned marriage has little in common with what actually went on hundreds of years ago when men and women were just beginning to realize, hey, maybe this marriage thing has a lot of benefits that make it worth all of the hard work. Whether you have marriage on the brain or feel it will be a cold day in hell before you tie the knot, these 11 historical facts about marriage might convince you that our notions about marriage are meant to change with and reflect the times.
1. It was totally cool to marry your cousin
And it still is in many countries, including parts of the Middle East, where places like Saudi Arabia have started questioning whether first-cousin marriage is acceptable. The reason families often set up their children with close relatives was simply to keep family bonds tight, a tradition that is prevalent throughout the Bible and other sacred tomes. (Is this how sons of Noah repopulated the world)
2. Parents sometimes arranged marriages between their kids... and dead people
You think your dad has unusual taste in marriage partners? Try being set up with the deceased spirit of a child within the same family or clan — in an effort to, again, strengthen familial ties. While the norm hundreds of years ago was for children to leave their future love life to their parents and hope they were lucky enough to exchange vows with someone they at least liked, imagine the disappointment in finding out your wife or husband wouldn't even be alive to help pitch in with household duties.
3. Monogamy wasn't the norm
The best way to populate a planet quickly is to, of course, have lots of sex and reproduce — something that works best when you're not committed to a life of sex with just one partner. Two studies suggest two separate reasons why monogamy became important for so many married couples: one says folks realized men needed to stick around so that other men wouldn't try and kill their spawn in order to mate with their mother — while another study found no correlation between monogamy and infanticide and suggests when men and women live farther apart from one another it becomes more difficult for men to fend off rivals and keep track of their spawn — so they stay in one place and help raise a family instead. How charitable of them!
4. There are more marriage therapists now than ever was before
Between 1970 and 1990, the number of marriage therapists in the United States increased 50-fold, which indicates we're becoming a lot more open-minded about speaking with professionals in order to strengthen our relationships.
5. People married themselves — without a priest or witness
Before the Marriage Act of 1753 in England, a priest and witness were not necessary for marriage — couples married themselves. Lord Hardwicke ruled that marriages required a ceremony to be "official" and that couples under the age of 21 needed parental consent to marry.
6. Same-sex marriage is not a novel idea
When same-sex marriage became legal in all states, many people celebrated and said it was about time this happened. But unions between homosexual couples took place in ancient Rome and have been taking place in Native American, African and Asian cultures for centuries prior to this one. That isn't to say sexual unions were acceptable — "marriages" were thought of as more of a way for brotherly bonding to occur.
7. The marriage "kiss" is more loaded than you think
We want to kiss our partners after we are declared "husband and wife/husband and husband/wife and wife" because we love them. End of story. But the reason for the kiss stems back to ancient Rome, when kissing was considered an acceptable way to seal legal contracts.
8. Wives could be dumped if they were infertile [Deuteronomy 24:1-2]
Long before doctors learned that men, too, can be infertile, it was perfectly acceptable for husbands to leave their wives if they found them incapable of having children, which is totally lame. The Christian Church was one of the first to decide marriage did not have to result in reproduction — but, interesting, a marriage could be dissolved if a man was incapable of having sex with his wife.
9. Marital “rape” was legal in the United States until recently
Up until 1993, when North Carolina finally woke the hell up and criminalized marital rape, it was still perfectly OK for husbands to take sexual advantage of their wives in some states because the assumption was that, what, men own women? I'm not entirely sure. Unfortunately, there are still eight states that have been identified as handling marital rape in a very different way than they would rape outside of marriage.
10. Men who didn't marry were looked down upon
In ancient Greece, men who didn't get married were often banned from holding public office and there was even debate over whether marriage should be compulsory. The same attitude prevailed in ancient Rome, where Augustus was so convinced that marriage was critical (and that he should run everyone's lives) that he passed laws that punished bachelors.
11. The word "bride" has crazy origins
The word "groom" comes from the English term "guma," which means a young servant boy (take from that what you will). The word "bride" could either come from the Old English word "brud," meaning "to borrow" or "bru," which means to cook or make broth.
You should also see 3 short videos at the end of the video version of part 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-QSH9RzwCk&t=2008s
